Wink from Heaven: June 2005

Saturday, June 25, 2005

June 25, 2005

Dear people we love!
Today I was watching Josh draw a picture of himself standing outside. As he was finishing up he said, "Now I just need to remember to add the SUN!" Then he added a big bright yellow sun in the corner of the page. Children never seem to forget that the sun is always there shining down on us! Summer time looks like it's here to stay, and I wanted to share some of the many ways we are experiencing sunshine in our house!

Caleb is almost 6 months old! He looks more and more like his big brothers every day!. He is such a source of sunshine for our little family!
His hair keeps getting lighter each time I cut it. His hair puffs up just like a dandelion! We like to blow on his fuzzy little head and make a wish! It's just like wishing on a fluffy white dandelion as you blow the seeds into the air! We feel like so many of our wishes have been heard and granted!

Caleb loves to be outside with his brothers! His little cheeks turn rosy red in the warm summer air, and he delights in hearing Josh and Matthew playing around him. The mosquitoes like to swarm all around me and eat me alive- but those pesky critters don't even touch Caleb- they must know that he's much too special to munch on, or that he has a mommy who won't let anything pesky come near him:)

Caleb loves to be held right underneath my heart. Sometimes it seems like we share the same heart beat.
Josh and Matthew have their sweet ways of sharing their hearts with Caleb. Josh insists that he can tell what Caleb is saying when he gurgles and cooes--He'll tell us that Caleb says things like: "I sure enjoy being on the earth with my family" and "There are some new toys are TOYS R US that you need to check out" Josh and Caleb have the sweetest eternal bond with one another. Matthew loves to kiss Caleb's "kissables" (cheeks). Matthew can't be near Caleb with out wanting to stroke his forehead, rub his fuzzy hair, and tickle his tummy. Whenever Matthew returns home from an outing, he'll run up to Caleb and say, "Did ya miss me?" Matthew adores Caleb, and Caleb just loves having him near by.

Caleb no longer seems to need his oxygen so we've been able to take him on car rides and for longer walks in the neighborhood. We've had some fun walks to the park, and have enjoyed going to grandma's house. His aunts and uncles love getting to spend time with him.

My sister Ashley just gave me a sculpture she made of a mom's hand with a baby hand resting on top of it. She had been working on it at school so that she could have something special to give to me. Some of the fingers had broken off of mom's hand and she expressed her frustration at the fingers not staying attached. She didn't want to give me a gift that was broken. Then she realized that she should go ahead and give me the gift because she knew it would be even more special to me the way that it was. She realized it was beautiful just the way it had turned out. When I look at Ashley's creation, I love to see that the baby's hand is completely in tact. It is that small hand that is calmly resting on those bigger broken fingers. Caleb isn't broken, he is so beautiful and full of love. He is the one who heals me in those moments that I feel a little bit broken inside. I'm so thankful for the SUN and the warmth we feel in our little family every day. Thank you for the warmth and kindness you send to us in so many ways.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

June pictures

(from my journal)...Caleb you warm my heart! Everything about you adds another twinkle to my eye. Sometimes I worry when you aren't feeling well, or you are having lots of siezures, and I wish there was more that I could do... but you always seem to help me know that loving you is enough. You are so small, yet you are so strong... I am so proud of you

Josh and Matthew like to goof off with Caleb's monitor wires!

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.