A few weeks ago our little rabbit Lu Lu died. It was really heart breaking for all of us. It was the first close experience my children have had with death. They loved and cared for their bunny every single day and seeing her still little body just broke their hearts. We've all been really tender about it. Matthew took all of the pictures down that he drew of her because they made him too sad. Sometimes the boys still cry at night when they think about her. One night as Matthew was sobbing, he said, "If it hurts this much to have Lu Lu die, how will we stand it if Caleb dies?"
Oh my sweet boys. They love their brother so much. We live a joyful life and can usually put our fears aside and focus on the blessing of each day. However, sometimes there are moments when fears of losing Caleb creep up and make us feel extra tender inside.
For the past several weeks Caleb's heart rate has been really low. He's been spending more and more time in the 40's and one night even dipped all the way down to 36. The fears I keep tucked in the quiet corners of my heart have been creeping. I've been extra tender inside as I've visited with doctors and scheduled appointments with cardiology. My little boys have been extra worried too.
The other night Matthew said to Dallan,
"Dad, Caleb isn't going to die." to which Dallan responded, "well everyone is going to die sometime." Matthew replied, "Not if Caleb makes it to the Lord's second coming, then he'll just be "twinkled" right? And besides, in the scriptures it says if you ask in faith, you will get it. So I prayed that Caleb wouldn't die- and that if he does, well then we'll just need to go together."
Sometimes I wish I could shield my children from worries that seem too big for their little hearts. Yet I know their hearts are growing in ways I can't fully comprehend. So when I'm feeling extra worried, I'm asking Heavenly Father -with lots of faith -to bless each of our hearts to have the capacity they need.
