Wink from Heaven: December 2012

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Monday, December 24, 2012

Because He lives...

Almost every year since Caleb was born he has been the angel in our Christmas Eve nativity. The angel wings perfectly suited our precious boy.

One year when it was time for the angel to appear, Dallan lifted Caleb high above his head and said, "fear not, for I bring you tidings of great joy..." We all stopped. We were taken back after hearing Dallan's voice speak for Caleb with such heavenly power. Perhaps we had a glimpse of Caleb's voice that day.

I knew this Christmas season would be tender, but I still wasn't prepared. It has been a sweet and a wonderful season, yet my heart has ached more deeply that I could have imagined.

I miss him.

On a day I was especially tender our dear friend sent us the lyrics we asked him to sing at Caleb's funeral:

A long time ago in a beautiful place,

Children were gathered ’round Jesus.

He blessed and taught as they felt of His love.

Each saw the tears on His face.

The love that He felt for His little ones

I know He feels for me.

I did not touch Him or sit on His knee,

Yet, Jesus is real to me.

I know He lives!

I will follow faithfully.

My heart I give to Him.

I know that my Savior loves me.

Now I am here in a beautiful place,

Learning the teachings of Jesus.

Parents and teachers will help guide the way,

Lighting my path ev’ry day.

Wrapped in the arms of my Savior’s love,

I feel His gentle touch.

Living each day, I will follow His way,

Home to my Father above.

I know He lives!

I will follow faithfully.

My heart I give to Him.

I know that my Savior loves me.

Because He lives, I know Caleb lives- as we all shall.

My heart I give to Him this season and always.

“I declare my personal witness that death has been conquered, victory over the tomb has been won. May the words made sacred by Him who fulfilled them become actual knowledge to all. Remember them. Cherish them. Honor them. He is risen.

(President Thomas S. Monson)

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Super Hero Miracle

My little Mitchell loves super heroes and recently had a super hero birthday.

The other day I walked into Mitchell's room and found him on his knees. He looked at me with wonder in his eyes and quietly said "I just had a miracle." He explained he couldn't find one of his super heroes and so he prayed that Heavenly Father would help him find it. When he opened his eyes he immediately found it. I walked in just as he realized his prayer had been answered.

Seeing Mitchell pray was especially touching to me because Mitchell recently asked me "Why do Heavenly Father and Jesus choose families to do mean things to?" When I asked him what he meant he said "Why did Heavenly Father choose to have Caleb die? If he loves us, then why would he want to make us sad?" I explained that Heavenly Father doesn't necessarily make sad things happen, but He promises to always be there to help us, comfort us, and give us strength when they do. Mitchell believes in miracles. He knows Heavenly Father can do anything, so it's been hard for him to understand why sometimes God allows sad things to happen. He said, "Sometimes I don't feel like praying because I don't feel very happy with Him."

Mitchell's little heart has had to deal with great big feelings this year... He's really been missing Caleb. I'm so thankful for those moments when Heavenly Father shows Mitchell that He knows him and that He will always be there to help him... even when he needs help finding a super hero.

A little bit of Christmas

Monday, December 17, 2012

A WINK Tree!

Several weeks ago I received an e mail from a sweet friend I knew from a singles ward. In it she wrote: (shared with permission)

"...I read the story about your son Caleb in one of your mom's books and then read more about him on your blogs. Thank you for sharing his story. Reading about Caleb and your family has been inspiring to me. I love the message of sharing love with a "Wink". I live in Delta now and each year our community has a Christmas Tree Festival where people in the community decorate Christmas trees and then donate them to the festival. The trees are auctioned to businesses or community members and all of the proceeds go to Sub for Santa and the Food Bank. I am in the young women's presidency in my ward and this year the young women and young men in our ward will be joining with people in our community who have special needs to decorate a tree for the festival. We were hoping to share Caleb's story with our Young Men and Young Women and then have the theme of our Christmas tree be "Wink"...We would like to encourage our youth to share love this holiday with a "Wink" in honor of Caleb..."

We were so humbled that they thought of our family and sweet Caleb...

Thank you to our sweet friends in Delta! Seeing pictures of the Wink tree delighted our hearts during a tender holiday season for us. We are so touched and are truly thankful!

May you always know of our love and gratitude for each one of you.

Sending all our love and a wink from heaven!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Christmas for Caleb

For our first Family Home Evening of the Christmas season we talked about what we should give Caleb for Christmas this year. We discussed what Caleb would want most and decided he would want us to be kind ("wink") and make good choices. We also talked about how one act of kindness can have a snow ball effect. So I made a jar that the boys could put a little snow ball in every time they made kind choice or went the extra mile to make a good choice. We're hoping to have it full by Christmas Eve so we can put it by Caleb's stocking.... "wink!"

I hope that our jar will help us feel close to heaven during this tender Christmas season.

We love you sweet Caleb!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Matthew's birthday

Dear Matthew,

I know it's your birthday and I want you to know I am with you to celebrate today! I hope you know how much I love you and how thankful I am that you are my brother. I loved it when you would wrap my arms around you so we could hug each other. Today I am wrapping my arms around you without any help at all. I hope you can feel my love soaking right into your heart. I know you miss me, but I promise I will always be there for you even though you can't see me. You can talk to me with your heart and I will still melt your worries away.

I love you forever, Matthew.

Love

Caleb

You can read a tender story my mom wrote for Matthew's birthday here.

Heaven sent...
We were blessed with a little boy who always winked!
Caleb's brain did not form, and doctors didn't expect him to live for more than a few weeks. After 8 days in the NICU doctors sent us home saying there was nothing more they could do. Among his various physical challenges, Caleb was missing one of his eyes. Even though he was never be able to say "I love you" with words, he told us every day with his "wink!" His little wink was a daily message of love from heaven.

Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him. Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years.

Caleb was a precious gift to our family, and now it is our priveledge to live in such a way that we will be reunited with him forever.

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.