Wink from Heaven: July 2012

Monday, July 23, 2012

God Delights to Own and Bless You

When I was in 8th grade, I had to choose a country to report on to my class. I chose the country of Austria because it was the country I wanted to visit most in the world! I remember showing clips from the "Sound of Music" and bringing pastries and cheese for the class to sample. Oh I hoped someday I would be able to visit the country where the hills were alive!

Back in October Dallan's co workers in the athletic department asked if he and I could accompany the BYU Cougarettes on an international competition in Prague and Vienna! The trip was scheduled for July. They were aware that it was difficult for us to leave Caleb and were hoping that by giving us enough notice we could arrange some nursing for him so we would be able to go. To say were were thrilled to have that opportunity is an understatement.

However, as I really started to think about it, I was very conflicted inside. Dallan and I had never both been away from Caleb at the same time, and I was nervous about being so far away from him. I was terrified something might happen while we were gone. I started toying with the idea of joining Dallan for a couple of days but even that didn't feel right. By the time February came we still hadn't firmly committed. Little did we know how much our lives would change. After Caleb died, going to Austria was the furthest thing from our minds; However the time came to commit to the trip... and we did. I cried the whole way to the passport office.

A couple of weeks ago we returned from the trip of a life time time. Prague was amazing and Austria was everything I imagined. While on our trip a phrase from the hymn "Dearest Children God is Near You" kept going through my mind. And (God) delights to own and bless you... Back in October we didn't know how different our lives would be in July. God did. No one in the Athletic department knew that this was the place I wanted to visit most in the world. God did. We didn't know how each one of the girls we traveled with would touch our hearts. God did. He delighted our hearts with a blessing that was beyond what we could have ever imagined for ourselves. (And guess what, hills really are alive!)

I'll continue to update our family blog with more pictures!

(moodymiracles.blogspot.com)

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Bloom and Grow Forever

After Caleb passed away some dear friends gave us the funds to purchase a special tree we could plant in his memory. We ended up having enough to not only plant a tree, but a little flower garden around it! I picked a rose of Sharon tree because they stay small and sweet, but bloom with the most beautiful flowers in the summer time. It started blooming a few weeks ago and every time I walk out the front door I think of the words from Edelweiss:

...Ev'ry morning you greet me
Small and white

clean and bright

You look happy to meet me.

Blossom of snow

May you bloom and grow

Bloom and grow forever...

Those sweet heavenly blossoms make me think of our sweet boy every time I walk outside.

With all of my heart,

Thank you.

Friday, July 20, 2012

I Have Been Changed for Good

This past Christmas I heard that WICKED was coming to town! The last time it came to Salt Lake I tried for hours to get tickets but was unsuccessful. I crossed my fingers this time and called the ticket office to see if I could surprise Dallan with tickets for Christmas. There were some seats left, but none of them were together, so I decided to send a message to Dallan work.

Me: So... would you want to see WICKED?!!!!

Dallan: Why?

Me: Because I really really really want to see it but just found out there are no seats together.

Would you still consider going?

Dallan: Um...what if hypothetically we already had tickets for July 19th.....?

I had hoped to surprise Dallan with tickets for Christmas, and he had already purchased them for me for a birthday surprise. I was really touched that he knew how delighted I would be.

With a heart full of gratitude and delight, I went on a special date with my sweet heart along with my brother Jacob and his wife Teresa. We ate a wonderful dinner at the Copper Onion then went to see WICKED! Oh I absolutely loved every minute!

I couldn't help but think of Caleb during several parts of my favorite song:

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

...But because I knew you,

I have been changed for good.

Heaven sent...
We were blessed with a little boy who always winked!
Caleb's brain did not form, and doctors didn't expect him to live for more than a few weeks. After 8 days in the NICU doctors sent us home saying there was nothing more they could do. Among his various physical challenges, Caleb was missing one of his eyes. Even though he was never be able to say "I love you" with words, he told us every day with his "wink!" His little wink was a daily message of love from heaven.

Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him. Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years.

Caleb was a precious gift to our family, and now it is our priveledge to live in such a way that we will be reunited with him forever.

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.