Precious Moments (Our Missionary)

Called to serve...

Precious Moments (Our Forever Family)

Where there is great love, there are always miracles.

Precious Moments (Brothers)

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers... We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts... We live outside the touch of time...

My brother who loved perfectly

I’m Matthew I have a brother who had a special body.

Caleb couldn’t walk and couldn’t talk.   He couldn’t move his body in the way he wants. But did have his own language of love. One of the ways he told me he loves me is with his wink. He was always winking because he only had one eye.

He showed me love when I laid by him. He was like a

teddy bear because even though he couldn’t talk, he always listened. I could tell him my problems and he made me feel happy.
When I was having a hard day, I would lay by him and he helped my bad feelings to melt away. He helped me to feel peaceful.

When I hugged Caleb I liked to do a special arm lock with his arm and mine. Caleb couldn’t hug me back, but when I wanted him to hug me I helped him by putting his arms around my neck.

I could tell he was happy when I was around. When I come home from school and spent some time with him, he would always give me a smile.

Caleb taught me that love is the most important thing. He told me with a feeling. He told me with his heart. He showed me you don’t have to have a perfect body to love perfectly.

I am so thankful to have Caleb for my brother, he is my best friend and I know that I will see him again.  

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen. 

Precious Moments (a Mother)

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. ~Robert Brault

My talk at Caleb's funeral:
I will never get the opportunity to plan a wedding for Caleb but have been honored to plan his missionary farewell...
 Quite often the first question expecting parents are asked is ‘”Are you having a boy or a girl!” Those who don't have a preference might respond with something like, "We just want a healthy baby" or "we don't care as long as it has 10 fingers and ten toes..." I probably would have agreed, before I had Caleb. When we were expecting Caleb, we knew he had hydrocephalus and that his brain was missing the corpus collosum. Other than that, we had a limited amount of information. I remember the day that a doctor called me after viewing the results of an in-utero MRI. He casually told me that Caleb was also missing one of his eyes. One eye. Over the next few months of my pregnancy, it seemed that every time we learned something new, something else was missing. When Caleb was born, we soon found out he was largely missing his brain. Caleb wasn’t given a firm diagnosis. Hydrancephaly is the closest, meaning water on the brain, and little or no brain tissue. That information wasn't the most devastating. "You'll likely have weeks before his death- take him home, there is nothing more we can do" was the most devastating. It didn't matter what was missing. It didn't matter that he wasn't a healthy baby. We couldn't bear the thought of missing him.

 Caleb spent several days in the newborn intensive care unit after he was born. Because he was so unstable he was given a name and a blessing while we were there. After Caleb’s blessing, my Dad also gave me a blessing. In that blessing he promised me that the atonement could heal a broken heart. That evening we were told he might not make it through the night. I was broken. I felt like every cell in my body was sad. I remember thinking "even the people who love me the most can't understand how I feel in this moment." My heart was in anguish. Then my phone rang. A friend called to tell me about the prayer that was said in church for our family. The prayer asked Heavenly Father to comfort us because He knew what it was like to lose a son. He knew. It was then that I realized His son also knew. My older brother, my Savior Jesus Christ knew. He knew because He felt my sorrow in a personal moment in Gethsemane. That night as I was in and out of sleep and tears, the phrase He knows kept returning to my mind. I remember feeling like my burden could be shared with somebody because He knew. I realized for the first time that the atonement isn’t just the sadness that we feel for our sins and our mistakes, but it also encompasses our worries, and our heartaches, and our despairing and anguishing moments. It brought me comfort to know that I had my Older Brother on one side and my Father on the other side who knew and that was enough to carry me through those hard days.


After eight days in the NICU, we took Caleb home on hospice care. We were encouraged to purchase a burial plot and to prepare to say good bye. We didn’t want our time with Caleb to be filled with worry and sorrow so we decided early on to choose hope! We chose to celebrate each day we had with Caleb. We had a birthday party for him every week and spent hours in our rocking chair soaking in his precious spirit. Those first few days at home were so tender. I remember browsing a website that told the stories of children with conditions similar to Caleb. Sadly, I noticed many passed away before their first birthday. However, as I read story after story including those who did outlive their prognosis, the thought distinctly came to me if Caleb can make it to his first birthday- he can make it to his seventh. Seven. That number gave me hope and permission to breathe. Seven years seemed like such a long time when compared to what we'd been told to expect. The weekly birthday parties stopped after we celebrated his 6 month birthday and he became more stable, but the celebrations continued! My then 2 year old Matthew would tell everyone he met, “Do you know the doctors told us Caleb was going to die and he didn’t? That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Life with Caleb was a miracle. Before Caleb was born, we told our boys he would only have one of his eyes. They were so worried about what that would mean. “Don’t worry, “I would say, “He will just wink at us every day!” Caleb’s wink was his mission. In our family a wink means I love you. Caleb was never able to tell us he loves us with words, but he told us every day with his wink. Through the past several years we have had numerous discussions with doctors about quality of life. When making hard decisions for Caleb’s future we are often encouraged to consider how Caleb’s constant care affects the rest of our family. Our lives involved oxygen, feeding tubes, trachs and medication, but caring for Caleb continually taught us what matters most. In those first few weeks that we were at home with him we chose to be joyful even though doctors were telling us the worst. We learned that’s it’s not living in denial to live a hopeful life. Caleb’s spirit radiated with pure love. He reminded us all what heaven feels like. We never mourned what could have been for Caleb. He could have quickly returned to heaven, but instead he has quietly brought heaven to us. It was okay that he had a special body. His presence…was enough.

We delighted in his smiles, in his snuggles and in his light. Caleb’s three brothers adored him. They loved his kissable cheeks. They helped him say the family prayer by using their special “Caleb voices.” They went to him to find peace, and they found comfort just by curling up by him. One of Caleb’s brothers often said, “Do you think that when Caleb is resurrected he can still have his winking eye because it’s just so cute!” We loved Caleb just the way he was. Our family would not have been complete without our Caleb.

 I have the sweetest memories of each member of my family with Caleb.

DALLAN
Dallan selflessly got up with Caleb numerous times each night to turn, change, suction and love him. He never complained, and quite often I'd hear him visiting with Caleb while tending to his needs. I know that there will be a day when Caleb can wrap his arms around his father and thank him for the service he rendered in those quiet hours of the night. But in my heart, I think Dallan already knows. On several occasions Caleb has been the angel as our extended family acted out the nativity at Christmas time. I’ll never forget the Christmas that we put angel wings and a halo on Caleb and the Dallan held high above everyone else and said… Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy… I loved how Dallan would include Caleb in the “brother stories” he tell the boys at bed time. Caleb was always the one eyed bandit who captured the bad guys and sent them to the city dump.

JOSH
Josh has been a quiet protector of Caleb. He has always kept a quiet watch at his bedside. Even as a 5 year old little boy I would often find him standing at Caleb’s bedside holding his hand and watching his monitors. I’ll always remember Josh and Matthew digging up worms and placing them in Caleb’s hands so he could feel them too. This year at the school carnival I loved watching Josh proudly helped Caleb go fishing at the fishing pond. And this year Josh was even confident enough in Caleb’s cares to be able to watch and suction him if I needed to run to a neighbors or run to get the mail.

MATTHEW
One week for Family Home Evening, Matthew taught a lesson about the 3 degrees of glory. He had the various degrees of glory taped around a basket ball hoop and had the basket labeled as the celestial kingdom. After he taught us about how we could make it to the celestial kingdom he had us all take turns shooting until we made it… but as it came to Caleb’s turn, he took the ball and did a slam dunk for him. He told us Caleb was an "automatic swish" because we already knew where he was going. It touched my heart to see my boys recognize what a special spirit Caleb has. The rest of us had to shoot for a lot longer but by the end of the game we celebrated that we all made it to the Celestial Kingdom with Caleb. One time I overheard Matthew talking with Caleb. He said: Caleb, have you ever heard of depth perception? Someday when you have two eyes, You're gonna LOVE IT! And another time I heard him whisper to him: "I would just die with out you Caleb... because, you know... you're my brother." Matthew crawled into bed with Caleb every morning- I always knew that Matthew had been there because he would leave his little toy lizard on Caleb’s forehead.

MITCHELL
I will always have memories of taking Caleb on a walks with Mitchell- Mitchell would put on all of his pirate clothes and wielded a sword so he could protect Caleb from all the bad guys. When he was a toddler I’d often find him holding his sippy cup in one hand and holding Caleb’s hand through the slats of his crib with the other. Mitchell also kept a constant watch on Caleb’s head and he would let me know as soon as it started flopping. As he got bigger, Mitchell would see his head flopping and gently put it back where it should be. Mitchell and Caleb also loved to have story time together. I’d put Caleb on my lap, and Mitchell would sit to the side of us. Then Mitchie would say, “up go the legs” and he’d life Caleb’s legs and drape them across his lap so they could snuggle while they read. Just this week Mitchell prayed for Caleb in our family prayer and said : Please bless Caleb to have fun in the spirit world and find lots of winkie friends.

MOM
As Caleb’s mother there are so many small and sweet moments I don’t want to forget. After having Caleb we become night owls. His feeding and medication schedules have made it necessary to stay up with him until around midnight. As a result, we had some really sweet quiet time with him after we tuck the other boys in bed. For the past several months Dallan Caleb and I watched the "Larkrise to Candleford" BBC series in those later hours of the night. I would sit on the couch and make a nest out of my legs for Caleb to sit in. I cover us up with blankets, and we watch an episode together. He would melt into all of my space and rests his fuzzy little head against me. I never want to forget the way it felt to have Caleb fill up my lap. I don't want to forget how sweet his hair smelled when I rubbed my nose in it. I don't want to forget how peaceful it was to have him breathing with me, and I don't want to forget how sometimes we’d get so cozy we would fall asleep together. And I never want to forget how much I loved to watch his little legs dangle over Dallan's arms as he was carried off to bed. We loved this time so much, that even on the nights when we could go to bed earlier... we didn’t- can you blame us?

Because of Caleb’s physical challenges, we had numerous adventures at Primary Children’s hospital. Now if you know our family, you know that we love BYU so we would always make sure to have Caleb’s BYU blanket with us when we went up to primary childrens which is in Ute Territory! During on of Caleb’s hospital stays One of Caleb's night nurses who was a die hard Ute fan kept insisting that Caleb's rash was from the BYU blanket I put putting on him. The next morning I found a big "GO UTES" on our marker board, and I found Caleb dressed in a shirt that the nurse had decorated himself with a red marker- that said things like : We love U Caleb.. Property of the University of Utah… and so on. It was so funny that Caleb and I decided we could be UTE fans just for that day.

 Sometimes I was asked what our biggest challenges were in caring for Caleb. It's wasn’t the hospital stays or therapy appointments. I wasn’t the dressings or diaper changes. It wasn’t his trach or g tube cares or his medications and monitors. Taking care of Caleb was such a sacred privilege. I think hardest part of caring was much is knowing some day we might have to say good bye. I loved caring for Caleb. He was so beautiful to me. It was an honor to care so deeply and it took my breath away every day. I know that he was joyful in his body and it was a joy to take care of him. I was so honored to have his presence in our home. He reminded us every day what heaven feels like. I have always felt a peaceful reassurance that Caleb coming to our family with his sweet little body was a significant part of our eternal story as a family. Realizing how precious every minute is has made every minute count. Caleb taught us to find joy in every day. Caleb radiated with love and light. Even though he couldn’t speak with words his little spirit just speaks volumes about what it means to love.

My favorite moments with Caleb were quiet moments in our rocking chair together. When I was holding him on my lap I felt like we had the best conversations, we never used words. Our conversations weren’t limited with language- they were straight from the heart.

 Caleb turned 7 just one month ago. We didn’t expect our time with Caleb to end so suddenly. Caleb hadn’t felt very well for the past couple of months, but that is quite typical for him in the Winter. He was routinely checked to make sure he was still healthy enough to be at home. The night before he passed away I asked Heavenly Father, “If there is something going on in Caleb’s body, please make it evident.” The very next day He did. After being admitted to Utah Valley with pneumonia, being life- flighted to primary Childrens- and enduring numerous life saving procedures, Caleb’s little body showed us that he wouldn’t be able to recover. As heart breaking as that day was for us we felt the Lord’s hand in every moment. We were reassured that Caleb wanted to be home, not in a hospital so his sweet body didn’t make it evident that he needed a hospital until the very last minute. He was willing to endure a few hard hours so that we as his parents could have the reassurance that we had done everything we could. His last hours were spent in our arms and his brothers were able to make it to the hospital in time to say good bye. And even though his body was paralyzed with medication he was still able to open his eye and squeeze my hand and Dallan’s hand to tell us that he loved us and that he was okay. In the hours after his death we were blessed with a fullness of the spirit and knew we were in the presence of greatness.

The Sunday after Caleb returned to Heavenly Father I was in church taking the sacrament. As I did so with tears streaming down my face, the image of Caleb’s baby blessing flashed before my eyes and I heard those words once again from my Father “The atonement can heal a broken heart.” Heavenly Father understands that loss is one of the hardest things he asks of us in mortality. He knows what He is asking, because He knows what it’s like to lose a son. He doesn’t ask it lightly. I also know that when he gives us something extra tender He also blesses us with some really tender mercies. I have peace in my heart knowing that our Father and His son know just how to comfort us in our darkest hours.

My testimony of the atonement gives real meaning to the phrase, “Families can be together forever.” I know with certainty that our Savior has over come death. I am so thankful for the joyful knowledge that death is not the end, and that though Him my family can be together forever. Shortly after Caleb was born, one of my little boys came to me and said, “Did you know Jesus peeks in our windows?” I know my little Caleb has been closely watched over by the Savior whom he emulates. I have no doubt angels have walked our halls to attend to our needs.

 I know He that he also sent us angels on earth. We had angels deliver countless meals. We had angels at the make a wish foundation grant our wish We had angels shovel our walks and mow our lawn. We had angels decorate our door and garage We had angels bring date night to us when we couldn't leave the house. We had angles sit with Caleb so we could take the other boys on outings and get some sleep. We had angels surprise us heartfelt gifts. We had angels drive though snowstorms to get Caleb home from the hospital We had angels help Caleb with physical therapy and vision. We had angels write him special poems and letters. We had angels make him keepsake blankets We had angels do special things for our other boys We’ve had angel doctors and nurses We had angels fast and pray for our little family We had angels give us their hearts and love us.
Jesus peeked in our windows, and he sent us each one of you.
Thank you for being a special part of our miracle of seven.

Precious Moments (Father and Son)

Nothing is as strong as gentleness, nothing is as gentle as real strength

Precious Moments (parents)

Winter time was always difficult for Caleb.  Every year as Winter approached I would always worry how Caleb would weather.  This year my heart felt extra heavy.   We had seen from a summer episode of pneumonia how quickly things could get critical.  I was so worried it would happen again, and I wondered if Caleb's immune system would be able to withstand another serious infection.  In November I started having a really strong prompting  I needed to take some pictures.  I asked my sister who is great with a camera if she would take some pictures of our family. 

Then it snowed. 

I thought we had missed our chance, and I knew it was likely that Caleb wouldn't feel well enough for pictures until spring.  However, one November Sunday afternoon, the sun appeared, and at the spur of the moment we spent about 20 minutes with Arianne getting our pictures taken with Caleb as the sun went down. 

These are our last family pictures.  These are the pictures we displayed at Caleb's funeral.  These are the pictures that will always hang on my wall.  These pictures will always represent my family, in a moment frozen in time, a sacred time we will always hold dear. (Over the next few days I'll share some of my favorite pictures of our precious moments together as the sun went down)

Holding Him.

A few weeks before Caleb passed away Mitchell and Matthew spent an afternoon holding him.  

They just couldn't get enough. 

I stood in the corner with tears streaming down my face as I quietly took pictures of them loving their brother...

These are the moments when I am sure I know what Heaven feels like.

If tonight was my last night with you.

Over the past several years I've worried about what I would say when I had to say good bye.... a few days ago I found this journal entry that I wrote several years ago....

Written in May 2008 when Caleb was struggling with pneumonia...

... Last night I tucked Caleb into bed with me and snuggled him for a while. While I worried and listened to him breathe, I was thinking- if tonight is my last night with you, what would I want to say?
If I knew I had to say goodbye to any of my sweet boys, what words would I want them to hear from their mom? I've asked myself that question numerous times especially during tender times with Caleb. It seems like there should be a bigger way to say "I love you"- Where are right words to say that I love them so much that it takes my breath away- that I love them so much that sometimes it even hurts- that I love them so much that my heart wants to beat for them?
I know that before they were born just the "hope" of them filled my heart with joy- that when I was expecting I loved knowing that they were growing right next to my heart- and now that they are here, my heart is wrapped so tightly around them that I can't breathe....
My heart has been tender as I've wondered what I should say to Caleb today. How do I tell him how dear he is to me and how proud I am of him? But then when I wrap my arms around him, and when I'm really still, I can feel his heart telling me that he already knows- and that "I love you" is enough.

Caleb's Funeral

Please join us in celebrating the miracle of seven years!  Caleb's  funeral will be held on Friday February 17th at the Spanish Fork Maple Mountain Stake Center located at 2188 East 100 South in Spanish Fork  at 11:00 a.m. A viewing will be held from 9:30 to 10:30 prior to services.

From my arms to God's arms.

Caleb could have could have quickly returned to heaven, but instead he quietly brought heaven to us for 7 years. 

Yesterday my sweet Caleb peacefully passed away in my arms surrounded by those he loves. 

His obituary will be in the newspaper tomorrow:

Caleb Joseph Moody died on February 10^th, 2012 at Primary Children’s Hospital due to complications from pneumonia. Caleb was born January 6^th 2005 to Dallan Richard Moody, and April Baadsgaard Moody. He is dearly loved by his parents and his brothers Joshua Aaron, Matthew Dallan and Mitchell Ross, his grandparents Ross and Janene Baadsgaard of Spanish Fork, Utah and T. Dean and Patrice Moody of Kennewick, Washington, as well as 30 uncles/aunts and 38 cousins. Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him.  Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years. Please join us in celebrating his life. His funeral will be held on Friday February 17th at the Spanish Fork Maple Mountain Stake Center located at 2188 East 100 South at 11:00 a.m. A viewing will be held from 9:30 to 10:30 prior to services.

Letters from Caleb

Written by Caleb's grandma Baadsgaard

"I think if you were able to write a letter to these very special people who love you so much and take such good care of you they might read like this . . ."

Dear Mother,

Many years ago you went in for an ultrasound very early in your pregnancy. You found out that I was a boy . . . and you also found out that I was missing my brain. When the medical professionals told you that I had no chance of survival and recommended an abortion - thank you for having the courage to listen to your heart and not your fears. When they told you I would have no quality of life and that I would ruin your family’s quality of life, thank you for choosing to discover what quality of life really means. When they told you I was missing an eye, thank you for choosing to see me as your precious son and not what the doctor called me (not viable - not conpatible with life). When further tests revealed that my entire head had not formed correctly and that my cleft-plate, partially formed nose and multiple missing cranial structures would make eating and breathing in a usual way impossible, thank you for choosing not to despair, but to devote yourself cheerfully and gratefully to my 24-hour care. When the doctors told you to take me home, buy a burial plot and let me die, thank you for choosing to fight for my life and celebrate each day I was in your home.

These past seven years have brought multiple hospitalizations and near death emergencies. We’ve spent a lot of time in hospital, you and me. Thank you for always being there right beside me when each individual breath was painful, labored and exhausting. I’ve heard your every prayer, every heart-felt longing and each exhausted plea to God. And though I’ve never been able to speak a word or raise my arms to embrace you, never doubt how much I love you my precious mother. There is a love deeper than life and broader than time between you and me, an eternal bond that time and circumstance will never break.

I am so grateful that you have chosen to live the past seven years with joy, not sorrow – that my presence was and is enough for you. The world defines us by what we can do. Thank you for choosing to define me by who I am. There will be a day, beyond this life, when I will be able to say all the things I never said, but I have a feeling you already know. When two hearts are knit together, there is often no need for words.

I was born in the winter, a time of waiting before the spring. Always remember that winter’s promise is the hope of spring. There will be a day when the time of waiting is over and all that was lost will be reborn.

I love you mom.

Caleb

Dear Father,

I know you and mom stay up late every night with me so my medication can take effect and also to have some special snuggle time with me. You and Mom usually tuck me into bed around midnight, but it usually isn't long until my alarms start beeping, I need suctioning, a diaper change or more medicine. A few nights a week I have a night nurse who sits with me from 12-6 so you and mom can get some sleep. But on the other nights, it is you and me Dad. You are always there with me when I need you in the night. Those late night hours when it is just you and me mean everything to me. In this life I will never be able play catch, or even speak or hug you. But I know that when fathers love their sons, they love them in the way they need to be loved. With us it is g-tubes, respirators and diapers.

You are always there with me when I need you in the day also. Dad, thank you for going to work every day at BYU so that all of us have everything we need.

Dad, I want you to know about something you may not see. When fathers love their sons like you love me, the powers of heaven open. There are angels around you every night, lifting your arms when you are too tired and keeping you awake when every cell in your body screams for sleep. I am aware of and grateful for every time you turn me, change my diaper, suction me then hug me and kiss me. You never complain, and though I can’t respond when you talk to me, I hear you Dad. I hear every word, spoken or unspoken, every desire, and every prayer to God in my behalf.

I also love the way you tease me like Dad’s do. Like the way you call me One-eye and let me dress up as the one-eyed pirate on Halloween.

I love the way take me everywhere and proudly tell people I am your son. When you come into my room at night I always proudly tell the angels that you are my father.

I love you Dad.

Caleb

Dear Brothers,

Josh, Matty and Mitch - I’m so happy that you are my brothers. You always take time every day to include me and make me an important part of the Moody boy’s story.

I remember when you used to crawl in in crib when I was a baby and sing “I am a child of God” when my heart rate was getting too slow. You always brought me toys and even though I couldn’t play with them the way you do, I imagined myself playing with them and it was still fun.

I love it when you hug and kiss me and tell me about your day. Even though I can’t raise my arms to hug you back, I love the way you lift my arms around your neck and put your cheek next to my lips.

When you talk to me I can’t answer you with my mouth in words, but I hear you listening to me with your heart. When you’re listening that way you can hear me telling you, “I love you Josh.” “I love you Matty.” “I love you Mitchell.” Thank you for helping mom during the day when I need to be turned or suctioned. That is such a nice way to tell me you love me back.

Don’t worry about my eye that is missing. When I was in heaven, I knew the Baadsgaard secret code for telling each other “I love you, you’re wonderful, and you can do it!” It was a wink. I knew that I would never be able to speak to you with words in this life, so I thought of a plan. That is why I chose to come as your brother winking so that you would always know that I love you and believe in you. Thank you for believing in me – believing that I am still your brother inside this body – even though I can’t move, or see or hear or think the way you do. Thank you for believing that even though I’m missing my brain, I’m not missing my heart and soul. Thank you for believing that we will always be one of the Moody boys and we’ll always love each other forever.

I love you Joshua.

I love you Mathew

I love you Mitchell.

Love, Caleb

Fuzzy

Don't you just want to rub that fuzzy little head?
I do.. and guess what?
It brings me good luck every time!