October 9, 2005

Our dear family and friends,
Over the past few days we've pulled out our sweaters and turned on our furnace! There's nothing quite like feeling warm and cozy at home when it's cold and cloudy outside. We just wanted to share with you some of the ways our hearts have been warmed this weekend.

Caleb recently turned 9 months old! His little body just shines with peace and love, and his sweet smile warms us right through. On Friday morning, Caleb had surgery on his head to have a shunt placed in his brain. The shunt will help regulate the fluid in his brain, and will help control his head growth. We have been anxious and worried about the outcome of an invasive surgery, but have also felt the peace that it was appropriate for Caleb's growth and learning.

Caleb's surgery was successful and he was able to come home last night! He has a "c" shaped incision on the top of his head, a small incision behind his right ear, and another incision on his stomach. He is doing well, and we have him on oxygen to help with his breathing until we reduce his pain medications. He seems so happy to be home, and he immediately smiled as he heard the voices of his big brothers!

It was really hard to place Caleb into the capable doctor's hands, even though I made them promise numerous times to take good care of him. I prayed that Heavenly Father would wrap his arms around Caleb and snuggle him the way I would if I was there. As we were waiting in the waiting room, I gained a greater understanding of the Love that our Heavenly Father has for each of us. It must have been really hard for him to allow us to leave His presence even though He knew it was appropriate for our learning and growth. He knew He was placing us in capable hands that would take good care of us- and that His loving care would continue. We know Heavenly Father has blessed us with each one of you to wrap your arms around us and take good care of us the way that he does. My heart was warmed as I reflected on the many times that His love has been made manifest to us through your capable and loving hands.
Caleb before and after surgery. He was so brave!

September pictures

September 2005

Our handsome little guy!


Caleb got a short buzz hair cut to prepare for his shunt surgery coming up.

August pictures

We enjoyed a summer with Caleb staying healthy! We are really careful about taking Caleb out, but we even ventured a trip to the pool!



(from my journal) Caleb, we were so excited to take you swimming! I put you in a little swim suit and you looked so cute! You loved being in the water and couldn't stop smiling. You liked the reflecting sun light, and you enjoyed having your little body bob around in the water. This week we even took you to sacrament meeting! It was a real thrill to be in church with all of my boys!....you bring me more joy than you will even know. You bring me closer to the Savior with your example of love and patience. You are truly celestial...

August 28, 2005

Hi to our dear family and friends
Summer time is slowly melting away as we watch popsicles and sprinklers being replaced with lunch boxes and school busses. My oldest little boy, Josh, starts kindergarten tomorrow. I can't believe how fast the seasons change and children grow! I wonder how I'll ever be able to let him go! Even though I am dragging my feet a little bit, I know the blessings that come with the changing of seasons- even when we aren't quite ready for it!

Our little Caleb is almost 8 months old! Our family has been so blessed over these passed few months. We don't doubt that angels walk our halls to rejoice with us, and buoy us up in tender moments. We are truly thankful for the sweetness of each new season.

When we brought Caleb home in the middle of the winter, we found ourselves learning how to insert feeding tubes, work oxygen machines, and hook up monitors. Caleb wasn't able to even be held without oxygen being held by his face. He was only able to travel from his crib to the rocking chair in the corner of his nursery. As winter turned to spring, we watched Caleb grow out of his preemie clothes. He was able to be away from oxygen for longer periods of time and even went on a few walks and "backyard adventures" with his brothers. He become strong enough to be with out oxygen, and we found ourselves needing monitors less and recognizing Caleb's needs by his behavior rather than by machines.

As Spring turned to summer we were able to pull out rompers and shorts that we weren't sure Caleb would ever get to wear! We celebrated Caleb's 6 month birthday with a big family party complete with birthday treats and a pinata. Later in the summer we put on Caleb's swimming suit and brought him to the swimming pool on Josh and Matthew's last day of swimming lessons. He couldn't stop smiling as he watched the sun reflect upon the water. He was delighted to feel his whole body bobbing up and down in the pool! He didn't even mind the splashing of his two sweet older brothers!

We have been so tickled to watch Caleb use his little body! He puts his whole heart into smiling for us and he loves to touch our faces and hold our hands when we are next to him. We can't be near Caleb without our hearts filling up to the brim with happiness and love! We have a physical therapist and a vision specialist who come into our home and interact with Caleb as he strengthens his muscles and develops his senses. We have seen that Caleb's eye responds to light! He recognizes light and his whole body reacts to it! We have been able to build upon his recognition of light to help him learn to focus, to track objects, and to reach for things that catch his attention. It is so neat to be a part of helping Caleb feel joy in using his little body! I know that Caleb recognizes light in a way that I am only just beginning to understand. He responds so sweetly to bright objects and contrasting colors, but I know that his little spirit sees so much more. He truly does recognize light, and being with him draws me closer to the light of our Savior. Caleb helps me see more clearly that ways that the Lord shines his light upon us every day.

July 2005

Happy 4th of July!


July 6, 2005
Caleb turned 6 months old today! Hitting the 6 month mark is a huge mile-stone for him so we decided to have a birthday party for him! Many family members were able to attend this special party!


(from my journal) You are my peice of Heaven! I have loved every minute of the past 6 months. I know that I have loved you forever.

June 25, 2005

Dear people we love!
Today I was watching Josh draw a picture of himself standing outside. As he was finishing up he said, "Now I just need to remember to add the SUN!" Then he added a big bright yellow sun in the corner of the page. Children never seem to forget that the sun is always there shining down on us! Summer time looks like it's here to stay, and I wanted to share some of the many ways we are experiencing sunshine in our house!

Caleb is almost 6 months old! He looks more and more like his big brothers every day!. He is such a source of sunshine for our little family!
His hair keeps getting lighter each time I cut it. His hair puffs up just like a dandelion! We like to blow on his fuzzy little head and make a wish! It's just like wishing on a fluffy white dandelion as you blow the seeds into the air! We feel like so many of our wishes have been heard and granted!

Caleb loves to be outside with his brothers! His little cheeks turn rosy red in the warm summer air, and he delights in hearing Josh and Matthew playing around him. The mosquitoes like to swarm all around me and eat me alive- but those pesky critters don't even touch Caleb- they must know that he's much too special to munch on, or that he has a mommy who won't let anything pesky come near him:)

Caleb loves to be held right underneath my heart. Sometimes it seems like we share the same heart beat.
Josh and Matthew have their sweet ways of sharing their hearts with Caleb. Josh insists that he can tell what Caleb is saying when he gurgles and cooes--He'll tell us that Caleb says things like: "I sure enjoy being on the earth with my family" and "There are some new toys are TOYS R US that you need to check out" Josh and Caleb have the sweetest eternal bond with one another. Matthew loves to kiss Caleb's "kissables" (cheeks). Matthew can't be near Caleb with out wanting to stroke his forehead, rub his fuzzy hair, and tickle his tummy. Whenever Matthew returns home from an outing, he'll run up to Caleb and say, "Did ya miss me?" Matthew adores Caleb, and Caleb just loves having him near by.

Caleb no longer seems to need his oxygen so we've been able to take him on car rides and for longer walks in the neighborhood. We've had some fun walks to the park, and have enjoyed going to grandma's house. His aunts and uncles love getting to spend time with him.

My sister Ashley just gave me a sculpture she made of a mom's hand with a baby hand resting on top of it. She had been working on it at school so that she could have something special to give to me. Some of the fingers had broken off of mom's hand and she expressed her frustration at the fingers not staying attached. She didn't want to give me a gift that was broken. Then she realized that she should go ahead and give me the gift because she knew it would be even more special to me the way that it was. She realized it was beautiful just the way it had turned out. When I look at Ashley's creation, I love to see that the baby's hand is completely in tact. It is that small hand that is calmly resting on those bigger broken fingers. Caleb isn't broken, he is so beautiful and full of love. He is the one who heals me in those moments that I feel a little bit broken inside. I'm so thankful for the SUN and the warmth we feel in our little family every day. Thank you for the warmth and kindness you send to us in so many ways.

June pictures

(from my journal)...Caleb you warm my heart! Everything about you adds another twinkle to my eye. Sometimes I worry when you aren't feeling well, or you are having lots of siezures, and I wish there was more that I could do... but you always seem to help me know that loving you is enough. You are so small, yet you are so strong... I am so proud of you







Josh and Matthew like to goof off with Caleb's monitor wires!

May 5, 2005

Dear friends we love!
Spring has made a grand appearance today after days of clouds and rain! I just got back from a walk with little Caleb and couldn't resist taking a moment to let you know how he is doing. I love taking Caleb outside to feel the sunshine and the springtime breeze. He gets so cozy in his stroller and usually falls right to sleep.

A few weeks ago I enjoyed celebrating my birthday, and do you know what???....Birthday wishes really do come true! My greatest wish was to celebrate with all 3 of my little boys. Celebrating with Caleb, Josh and Matthew was truly a birthday wish granted!

Josh and Matthew's new favorite thing to do with Caleb is "ultimate kissing festivals!" They'll call out, "one...two...three....ULTIMATE KISSING FESTIVAL!!!" Then they'll kiss Caleb a million times all over his little body! Matthew loves to take baths with Caleb and he'll hold Caleb's head in his lap while I lather him all up with soapy bubbles. Whenever I'm rocking Caleb in the rocking chair, Matthew likes to jump on my lap as well so we can do
"two-boy holding."

Josh knows how to turn off Caleb's "beeps" and is a great helper when I can't quite get there in time! Josh always finds quiet moments each day to snuggle and visit with Caleb. In his prayers he always says, "I'm so glad that Caleb could come to earth-I sure enjoy being with Caleb." I know that Heavenly Father hears the prayers of big brothers.

Caleb just loves being in the middle of whatever our family is doing. He would much rather be with us than under his oxygen tent, and now he can be away from his oxygen most of the time! He took his first car trip to Grandma and Grandpa Baadsgaard's house and was able to spend some time with his grandparents, aunts and uncles. It was our first outing together as a whole family since December! It was so fun, and Josh and Matthew were just tickled to see Caleb in his car seat.

Caleb's pediatrician is still coming to our home every few weeks to visit him. We are working with him to see how we can best help Caleb for the future. He is such a neat doctor and sees Caleb with the same hopeful heart that we do. We are looking into getting a shunt placed in his head to help regulate the fluid and his head growth. We are also looking into getting a feeding tube placed in his tummy so he won't always have to have one in his mouth and throat. We are thrilled that we are at a point where we get to have a new chapter in Caleb's story, yet it is still really tender to think about going back to the hospital. Caleb is showing us, though, that he wants to do all he can!! He loves to wiggle his little body and has really strong muscles! He works so hard to hold his head up and look around. He has the cutest giggle and a sweet little voice that calls me every morning to come and get him!

On Mother's day I was asked in primary what my favorite part of being a mom is. My first thought was spending the morning with my little boys. Matthew usually makes his appearance first. He says MAMMA!!!! Then gives me the "tightest hug in the world" He'll crawl into bed with me and put his toes right under me because they're "told" (cold). Josh joins us next and we always say "good morning sunshine" because Josh's smile warms us from head to toe. Then Caleb will start to call us with his sweet baby voice until he can come and snuggle with us. Life doesn't get much sweeter than those little moments of snuggling in between being asleep and being fully awake.

April/May pictures

Caleb's first haircut! It took me a long time to cut Caleb's hair. When he was born the hospice team gave me an envelope that I could put a lock of hair in after he passed away, so my mind associated cutting his hair with saying goodbye. Luckily, I got to cut his hair just because it was getting too fluffy! He looks so cute, and I only got teary because it was another "first" for him!

Matthew shares his favorite "strechy critters" in silly ways!

April 11, 2005

Our dear family and friends,
Three months ago we were in the hospital preparing to bring Caleb home to spend his final days with us. Last week, Caleb celebrated his 3 month birthday! Words can hardly express the gratitude we feel for such a precious gift!

Caleb's whole body just radiates with love! When I hold him, I just love how his sweet little body melts right into mine. I love the quiet moments I spend rocking Caleb and gazing at his face. I love to listen to him breathing, and he loves it when I lay by him and put my face right up against his. I just love his long fingers, and I am tickled every time his little hand finds mine and rests there. I know that the love I feel for him began long before he was reunited with us here. When I am with my little boys, I remember what Heaven felt like. Caleb reminds me each day that the most important things in our lives are those that we hold in our arms, in our laps, and in our hearts...

A few days ago I gave Caleb his first hair cut! I couldn't stop giggling while I was turning his head and buzzing up the sides. When I finished, I gave him a bath and smothered him with lotion and kisses. As I took a few "first hair-cut" pictures, I couldn't hold back the tears that brought me to my knees to thank Heavenly Father for another sweet moment with my little boy.

Josh and Matthew adore their baby brother! They include him in all of their brother adventure stories! They love to lay by him and put their cheeks right next to his. Matthew enjoys putting his stretchy bugs on Caleb's head for me to find, and Josh can always sooth Caleb by gently stroking the side of his face while he talks to him.

As I've reflected on the tears, the tenderness, the gratitude and joy that the past 3 months has brought, I think of some of my new favorite scriptures:
Psalm 30:5..."weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Psalm 30:11-12 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness. To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever.
Caleb's first Easter. What sweet reflections we have about the joys of resurrection.


Caleb is so loved by his brothers. We even caught a smile on camera on this special day!

April 2005

Caleb's first trip to the park! We had our monitors in tow and I just manually syringed his feeding to him while we were there. Josh and Matthew were tickled to have a park outing all together!

Caleb's first trip in the car since coming home from the hospital. After almost 4 months on oxygen, he seems like he does okay without it, so we decided to visit grandma and grandpa! It was the first time we have gone anywhere as a whole family since he was born!


I took a bunch of pictures of Caleb in his blessing outfit because it was huge on him when we blessed him in the hospital. He looks just like an angel!



Brother's just have to HUG!