Wink from Heaven

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Christmas Eve

I love Christmas Eve and the traditions that fill the night! This year Christmas Eve was a sweet and tender day for our family. It was also a day to add some new traditions to a special night.

The day before Christmas Eve some dear friends stopped by our home with a basket filled with treasures and treats. Their sweet daughter passed away right around the time Caleb was born and they have been so kind to keep a careful watch on our little family. Among the treasures they brought was a "wink" luminary. The told us about a tradition at our cemetary where people place luminaries at their loved ones graves on Christmas Eve. They explained that going there had become one of their favorite Christmas Eve traditions. We were so touched and knew that this would become one of our favorite traditions as well.

We started our Christmas Eve by celebrating Dallan's birthday! A Christmas Eve birthday suits my Merry husband perfectly.

We enjoyed a wonderful holiday dinner at my parents house then acted out the nativity together.

Mitchell insisted he got to be the angel for Caleb this year.

After we acted out the nativity we turned our the lights and lit candles around my mom's nativity stable that she got from Jerusalem. We were each handed a piece of the nativity set and invited to share what our gift to the Savior would be this year. After we shared our gift we put our piece into the stable. This has been a tradition in my family for as long as I can remember. I love the spirit that fills the room as we think about what we want to give the Savior. We ended the evening by singing Christmas carols then Dallan and I left to take the boys to the cemetery.

When we arrived at the cemetery it was a tender sight to see luminaries lit for the loved ones of so many. The boys each lit a candle and placed it on Caleb's grave along with our wink candle. We wished Caleb a Merry Christmas and our hearts were filled with love for our Savior who made it possible for us to have him forever.

When we got home I mixed up some magic hot chocolate with sleeping sprinkles, and the boys found pajamas that the elves had left while we were gone!

We left our Christmas jar by Caleb's stocking and the boys chose to sleep together in Caleb's room.

They could hardly sleep as they anticipated the surprises that would be waiting for them in the morning.

This was a tender holiday season for us. My heart ached for Caleb to be with us. Yet in those aching moments my heart was also filled with a deeper understanding of the gift that was given to each of us. Because Jesus came to the earth we will all live again. Because he was born we all have the opportunity to return to our Heavenly Father. Because he was willing to descend below all things and be our Savior, I know that death is not the end but new chapter in our eternal journey. I know that we will be together again- and that gift fills my heart to overflowing.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Sea World Wink

Our last day in San Diego was spent at Sea World! We absolutely loved the sea life shows and being surrounded by Christmas and sunshine!

Our hearts were warmed as we made happy Christmas memories together...

Friday, January 11, 2013

San Diego Zoo

My husband works for BYU athletics and this year we were blessed with the opportunity to go to Poinsettia bowl to watch the football team play San Diego State.

This trip was a tender mercy from heaven...my heart was so tender during our first holiday season without Caleb. We drove out of the snow into the sunshine and brought sweet Caleb with us. It was such a blessing to create sunny and happy memories together during a tender time.

We watched the game on a Thursday night, then spent Friday at the San Diego Zoo and Old Town.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The Little Prince

For Christmas we received an unexpected surprise in the mail! You may remember Joy's family who sent us a wink for her birthday. They surprised us with a Christmas package in the mail with cards and letter so sweetly written and a copy of The Little Prince. In the front cover of the book they shared their favorite part...

"People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else."

"What do you mean?"

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!"

Joy's mom finished her note by writing ... "the kids wanted to remind you all that in addition to laughing- the stars love to WINK!"

Thank you for sending us Christmas magic in the mail. We were so touched!

Heaven sent...
We were blessed with a little boy who always winked!
Caleb's brain did not form, and doctors didn't expect him to live for more than a few weeks. After 8 days in the NICU doctors sent us home saying there was nothing more they could do. Among his various physical challenges, Caleb was missing one of his eyes. Even though he was never be able to say "I love you" with words, he told us every day with his "wink!" His little wink was a daily message of love from heaven.

Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him. Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years.

Caleb was a precious gift to our family, and now it is our priveledge to live in such a way that we will be reunited with him forever.

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.