Wink from Heaven: February 15, 2005

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

February 15, 2005

Hi our favorite family and friends,
Caleb is almost 6 weeks old! We truly cherish each day we have with him. Taking care of him doesn't feel like work, it feels like such a privilege. He is so beautiful and full of love. Our hearts are so full of love for him, and the love we feel in return from him is so amazing.

His doctors and nurses are amazed that he appears to be thriving given his circumstances! We have a sweet pediatrician who makes house calls to come and check on Caleb. He says "Caleb is just being loved into being here." Our hospice nurse has shared with her department how responsive Caleb is and how much he loves being loved. They are all amazed when they see how he Caleb responds to me. I think that Caleb and Heavenly Father know that it heals my heart to see that Caleb knows that I'm his mother.

The other day we unhooked Caleb from all of his monitors and his feeding tube. We put him in the real bathtub with his two brothers and let them all have a bath together! It was just priceless to see 'my 3 sons' all in the tub with one another. Josh and Matthew were tickled to have a bath with their baby brother, and Caleb loved it! His cute little body just floated in the water while I held his head and lathered him up!

Every Thursday we celebrate a birthday for Caleb as he turns 1 week older. Josh and Matthew love to celebrate with him and sing "Happy birthday." Yesterday they each taped a Valentine to Caleb's crib and sang "Happy Valentines Day to you!" Caleb is teaching us how wonderful it is to find the joy in each day and live in the present.

I was visiting with my mom recently, and we were discussing whether or not Caleb can see out of his sweet little eye. We both agreed that it didn't matter because Caleb can truly "see" more than we can. My mom later shared a scripture she found in Matthew 6:22

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thane eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

I found a similar scripture in D&C 88:67
"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehended all things."

We are so thankful for our little miracle. The overwhelming love we feel for him gives us just a glimpse of the way that our Heavenly Father loves us. The tenderness of knowing our time with him will be limited is also surrounded by so much sweetness. I wish there was a "heart language" that could portray the sweetness that surrounds us as we watch our 3 boys love each other, as we feel Caleb's sweet little body in our arms, and as we feel the love that has filled our home to overflowing.

Thank you for "loving our little boy into being here" Thank you for loving our little family and our little Caleb. He is full of love and light!

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Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.