Wink from Heaven: Caleb's New Headstone

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Caleb's New Headstone

It took us almost a year to order Caleb's headstone. I think there was a part of me that still wanted to have one more thing to do for him.

This past December it felt like the right time so we ordered it right before Christmas.
Dallan came home just after Easter with the temporary marker in hand and told me Caleb's headstone was there. It was tender to see that temporary marker removed. The first time I went to see the new headstone I couldn't breath.

It felt so permanent.

As I have returned to see his new headstone I imagine seeing my family grow in pictures as they gather around Caleb's name. I imagine my boys will take their own families here and show their children their names on the back and talk to them about their brother and eternal families. Caleb's grave is a sweet place to me.

Now I can breath.

Caleb's headstone isn't permanent. It is still a temporary marker to celebrate the beauty of each day and our faith in God's plan.

My dear friends Anita and Linda came to see it with me shortly after it was placed.

Anita brought the song "Consider the Lilies of the Field" to the hospital right after I had Caleb. She brought him lilies on his first birthday... and she and Linda brought lilies to place at his grave.

I cherish them more than words can say.

10 comments:

Jennifer Adams said...: This is beautiful, my friend!; May 7, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Jennie said...: It is lovely. So bitter sweet. Thank you for your sweet example to me. I just wish we lived closer so that we could associate on a regular basis. For now.... blogland will have to do. :) Mwah!; May 7, 2013 at 8:35 PM
brigette said...: It is beautiful! !!! What a lovely job you guys did picking it out!! Sending much love and prayers as it is no easy task to pick out your child's headstone.; May 8, 2013 at 9:59 AM
Janene Baadsgaard said...: The headstone is beautiful and so is Caleb and his family. I know that he lives and that I will see him again someday. I love you Caleb. I miss you.; May 8, 2013 at 11:57 AM
Bugg's mama said...: What a sacred place for your family. It is beautiful.; May 10, 2013 at 7:24 PM
shirlgirl said...: A beautiful tribute to a beautiful child.; May 12, 2013 at 5:52 PM
Janae said...: It is perfect! Thanks for sharing Caleb with us.
Sending my love to you.; May 12, 2013 at 9:08 PM
Stephanie said...: I think it is wonderful! We just got Joshua's headstone, too. So many people will see this stone and feel Caleb's spirit.; May 13, 2013 at 9:41 PM
arianne said...: It's perfect. What a sacred, beautiful place. I loved your words. So honest, tender, and beautiful. Hugs!; May 15, 2013 at 11:25 AM
Emily said...: It's been so long since I've been to Caleb's blog! The headstone is really nice April. And of course you already said it perfectly, it's just a temporary marker. Caleb will be strong and whole again one day.; May 18, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.