April 11, 2005

Our dear family and friends,
Three months ago we were in the hospital preparing to bring Caleb home to spend his final days with us. Last week, Caleb celebrated his 3 month birthday! Words can hardly express the gratitude we feel for such a precious gift!

Caleb's whole body just radiates with love! When I hold him, I just love how his sweet little body melts right into mine. I love the quiet moments I spend rocking Caleb and gazing at his face. I love to listen to him breathing, and he loves it when I lay by him and put my face right up against his. I just love his long fingers, and I am tickled every time his little hand finds mine and rests there. I know that the love I feel for him began long before he was reunited with us here. When I am with my little boys, I remember what Heaven felt like. Caleb reminds me each day that the most important things in our lives are those that we hold in our arms, in our laps, and in our hearts...

A few days ago I gave Caleb his first hair cut! I couldn't stop giggling while I was turning his head and buzzing up the sides. When I finished, I gave him a bath and smothered him with lotion and kisses. As I took a few "first hair-cut" pictures, I couldn't hold back the tears that brought me to my knees to thank Heavenly Father for another sweet moment with my little boy.

Josh and Matthew adore their baby brother! They include him in all of their brother adventure stories! They love to lay by him and put their cheeks right next to his. Matthew enjoys putting his stretchy bugs on Caleb's head for me to find, and Josh can always sooth Caleb by gently stroking the side of his face while he talks to him.

As I've reflected on the tears, the tenderness, the gratitude and joy that the past 3 months has brought, I think of some of my new favorite scriptures:
Psalm 30:5..."weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Psalm 30:11-12 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness. To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever.
Caleb's first Easter. What sweet reflections we have about the joys of resurrection.


Caleb is so loved by his brothers. We even caught a smile on camera on this special day!

April 2005

Caleb's first trip to the park! We had our monitors in tow and I just manually syringed his feeding to him while we were there. Josh and Matthew were tickled to have a park outing all together!

Caleb's first trip in the car since coming home from the hospital. After almost 4 months on oxygen, he seems like he does okay without it, so we decided to visit grandma and grandpa! It was the first time we have gone anywhere as a whole family since he was born!


I took a bunch of pictures of Caleb in his blessing outfit because it was huge on him when we blessed him in the hospital. He looks just like an angel!



Brother's just have to HUG!

Pictures in march

(from my journal) We have been speaking to the doctor about your siezures and will have to increase your dosage. I am a little bit sad inside becuase I don't want to see you struggle. The doctor says you may need to get a shunt in the future.
Josh and Matthew just love you! Matthew helps you say your prayers at night, and he says that Jesus peeks in our windows. Josh was singing a song in your ear the other day that kept repeating "I love my baby brother..."

March 19, 2005

Hi to our wonderful Family and friends!
I thought I'd take a minute on this Sunny spring day to let you know how our little Caleb is doing! He is full of sunshine and just delights us every day! Caleb continues to surprise his medical friends as he continues to grow and develop in his given circumstances. He now weighs 9 pounds and 4 ounces and fits so cute in his newborn clothes now! He celebrated his 10 week old birthday on St. Patrick's day so Josh and Matthew helped me make a green birthday cake to celebrate! We've had some beautiful spring days where I decided to un hook Caleb from his monitors to take him outside to feel the sunshine on his face and hear the birds singing. He loved it, and it was so fun to watch his fluffy hair blowing in the breeze.

Caleb loves to have his family around him; it is so precious to see how patient he is with Josh and Matthew as they love and snuggle him. Josh often crawls right into Caleb's crib to hug him and soothe him if he's feeling sad. Caleb just loves it! Matthew new favorite song to sing to him is "I'm trying to be like Jesus." They adore their brother and they both like to make sure that Caleb has a sword close at hand like his older brothers! We like to unhook Caleb from his monitors so he can join us for breakfast and this morning the boys were tickled to have me bring him into my bedroom so we could all watch Saturday morning cartoons in my bed. Caleb just loves to be held and snuggled! He will let us hold him for an hour or two at a time -even away from his oxygen! Caleb's whole body just radiates with love and we're so thankful he likes us to hug and squeeze him as much as we want to.

Having Caleb with us is like having a little piece of Heaven in our home. When Josh prays he always says "I'm so thankful that we have Caleb, I sure enjoy having Caleb in our family" This is such a joyful season where our time is taken up by the things that matter the most. Our hearts are tender yet they are full of joy and delight!

I love the words, "Where is Heaven? Is it very far?.... when you're with the ones you love it's right where you are!"

A poem from uncle Joseph

Gifts from Caleb (2005)

Having an eye single to the glory of God
Caleb has kept us places where our feet are shod.
With a sparkle that shines towards eternity
Caleb shines a light giving us the gift of certainty.
With little hands to heal our weak and weary hearts
Caleb has reached out and touched us with Christ’s healing art.
As a small master painting a portrait so brilliantly
Caleb’s presence has greatly strengthened our testimonies.
Increasing our faith and making us sure
Caleb reminds us of a love that is pure.
Reaching out with arms open to embrace
Caleb with no doubt has Christ’s countenance upon his face.
Oh little Caleb we are so grateful for all that you give.
We are all so lucky for each day that you live.
Now we know of a greater love
With all the gifts you have brought from above.
The world may see you with little, but we see you with so much more
Our understanding is greater since you have opened the door.
Oh little Caleb, how we love you so
You love is helping us to understand a greater love we’ve all known.
Oh little Caleb be it known unto you
How great you are and the people like you are few.

By Joseph Baadsgaard (uncle)

Cozy Caleb


There's nothing as sweet as Caleb feet!

Sweet moments with Caleb

We sure enjoy our special little boy!





This was the first time Caleb every went upstairs! He was able to be away from his oxygen for a little while. Josh and Matthew were so excited!

February 24, 2005

February 24, 2005

Hi our family and friends that we love!
Caleb is 7 weeks old today! He is doing well and now weighs 8 pounds 5 ounces! His little cheeks are getting chubby, and he's starting to grow into his skin! He is an absolute delight and we're so thankful you let us continue to share our sweetheart with you!
In our little family I have a birthday tradition of making up trivia questions for the birthday person- so here are a few "Caleb Trivia" questions you might not know:)

1. What are Josh's nicknames for Caleb?
Mister Caleb Bubbas (I'm not sure why- but he and Matthew call him "Bubbas" quite often:)

2. What are Matthew's nicknames for Caleb?
"Ta-wub" Bubbas Little Cay

3. What Color is Caleb's eye
BLUE

4. Who do Caleb's hands look like-- Mom or Dad?
MOM-- nice long fingers!

5. What are Caleb's favorite songs that the boys sing him?
I am a child of God
Families can be together forever

6. What does Matthew leave in Caleb's crib every day?
New toys for him to "play with"-- the other day I walked in and Caleb had a big rubber lizard laying across his tummy with the head right next to his. I knew Matthew had been visiting him!

7. What does Caleb's pediatrician call him?
His "little Israelite prince"-- and "Elder Caleb"

8. What does Josh bring to church with him so that he can check on Caleb whenever he feels worried about him?
A cell phone

9. Where does Caleb have the most hair?
In the back! He has a lot more hair than either of our other boys. On top, he has a nice little spike that the boys love to poke up and rub their faces on.

10. How many wires and tubes does Caleb have attached to him?
4- one on each side of his chest to monitor his breathing and heart rate- one feeding tube- and one sat monitor on his foot that monitors his oxygen saturation and heart rate.

11. Who does Caleb love the most?
All of you for loving and serving him and his family!!!!!!

Happy 7 week birthday Caleb!

February 15, 2005

Hi our favorite family and friends,
Caleb is almost 6 weeks old! We truly cherish each day we have with him. Taking care of him doesn't feel like work, it feels like such a privilege. He is so beautiful and full of love. Our hearts are so full of love for him, and the love we feel in return from him is so amazing.

His doctors and nurses are amazed that he appears to be thriving given his circumstances! We have a sweet pediatrician who makes house calls to come and check on Caleb. He says "Caleb is just being loved into being here." Our hospice nurse has shared with her department how responsive Caleb is and how much he loves being loved. They are all amazed when they see how he Caleb responds to me. I think that Caleb and Heavenly Father know that it heals my heart to see that Caleb knows that I'm his mother.

The other day we unhooked Caleb from all of his monitors and his feeding tube. We put him in the real bathtub with his two brothers and let them all have a bath together! It was just priceless to see 'my 3 sons' all in the tub with one another. Josh and Matthew were tickled to have a bath with their baby brother, and Caleb loved it! His cute little body just floated in the water while I held his head and lathered him up!

Every Thursday we celebrate a birthday for Caleb as he turns 1 week older. Josh and Matthew love to celebrate with him and sing "Happy birthday." Yesterday they each taped a Valentine to Caleb's crib and sang "Happy Valentines Day to you!" Caleb is teaching us how wonderful it is to find the joy in each day and live in the present.

I was visiting with my mom recently, and we were discussing whether or not Caleb can see out of his sweet little eye. We both agreed that it didn't matter because Caleb can truly "see" more than we can. My mom later shared a scripture she found in Matthew 6:22

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thane eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

I found a similar scripture in D&C 88:67
"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehended all things."

We are so thankful for our little miracle. The overwhelming love we feel for him gives us just a glimpse of the way that our Heavenly Father loves us. The tenderness of knowing our time with him will be limited is also surrounded by so much sweetness. I wish there was a "heart language" that could portray the sweetness that surrounds us as we watch our 3 boys love each other, as we feel Caleb's sweet little body in our arms, and as we feel the love that has filled our home to overflowing.

Thank you for "loving our little boy into being here" Thank you for loving our little family and our little Caleb. He is full of love and light!

Caleb's four week birthday!

(from my journal)
...Happy four week birthday, Caleb! We hung a Happy birthday sign over your crib today You were visited by 4 of my aunts and they brought you a special window box where we can display your special things....I am so humbled as I whitness the way that you touch hearts and change lives everyday. You have united our entire ward and extended family. You have taught us what perfect love feels like. I watch the way people linger at your crib side and don't want to leave your presence...




Shortly after Caleb was born, a sweet friend from our ward came over to take a family picture of us. It was really important to me to have a family picture with all of my little boys since we don't know how long we get to have Caleb with us.

Special days with Caleb

We have a birthday party every week for Caleb! Every Thursday we make a special treat and sing happy birthday to Caleb! We just love every minute!

January 18, 2005 (from my journal) You are such a special little boy. Your body is so small, yet your spirit has filled our whole house with love....every moment I get with you is pure joy. I'm trying not to look to far into your future and just soak in every minute...










Matthew loves to share his toys with Caleb! Josh and Matthew are so sweet with Caleb. They spend a lot of time at his bed side singing him songs and holding his hands. They've had a hard time leaving the house because they don't want to leave their brother behind. I finally had to give them both pictures they could keep in their pockets and a cell phone so they could call and check on him any time they wanted.

January 31,2005

January 31, 2005

Hi everyone!
I just wanted to send out a few more photos of sweet little Caleb and let you know how he's doing!
Last Thursday he turned 3 weeks old! We celebrated with some cupcakes that a sweet neighbor brought over and blew out candles in his room with him to celebrate! Last week we also increased his Seizure medication after a few hard days, and that has seemed to help him have more relax time in between seizures so that he can breath easier and be restful. Caleb had his first "bathtub" bath on Saturday since his cord finally came off! He was so cute as he let me scrub him all up. It was so fun to lather up his sweet little body and rub lotion all over him. He smelled so good, and I couldn't stop sniffing him the whole day! He has so much hair in the back and after it's washed, it gets so cute and fluffy. He loves to have his hair and head brushed with those spongy brushes that the nurses give you in the hospital. Matthew and Josh love to brush his hair for one of their special jobs. Josh likes to spike it up and then Matthew combs it down:)
Today Caleb was weighed, and now he's up to 7 pounds!! His cheeks are getting nice and round, and his little legs are starting to fill out. He has the cutest little toes that I just love to nibble every time I change the monitor on his foot!
Caleb has brought an overpowering spirit of love into our home. We feel so honored to be with him. Every time we change his diaper, rock him in the rocking chair, kiss his soft little cheeks, or even just stare at him through tear filled eyes-- we are reminded how much Heavenly Father must love us to bless us with this time with our little miracle. Our hearts are wrapped so tightly around our little baby. We are just so in love with him! He responds so much to love, and as we hug him, sing to him, or stroke his little face- his oxygen levels and heart rate always seem to improve.
We are so thankful for the faith and prayers of each of you and thank you with all of our hearts for the sharing your hearts with us. We love you!

January 23, 2005

Hi my cute family and friends!
I just wanted to pass along a few new photos of Caleb. It's so hard to capture how beautiful he is on camera! He is an absolute angel and his little body has filled our whole house with love. Josh and Matthew love to sing him "I am a Child of God" while they hold his hands. Caleb is so patient with his brothers and usually doesn't make a peep even when they want to hold him for a "really long turn." He has the cutest long fingers and his little legs have the sweetest loose wrinkly skin on them. I love to kiss his little neck, and his cheeks are so soft and irresistible!

January 18, 2005

January 18, 2005

Hi our sweet family and friends!
Thanks for indulging our updates about our little sweetheart.
Caleb is doing well. His pediatrician came to visit us at home yesterday and was pleased with how he looked. We really like our hospice nurse who really goes the extra mile to make sure our needs are met.
Caleb is such a little sweetheart. He is so patient and easy to sooth. He has brought an amazing spirit of love and strength to our little family. Our hearts are just so full of love for him! He recently smiled at me for the first time ( I KNOW he was smiling just for me:)
and a few days ago I gave him his first bath at home. He looked so cute a pink and his hair was puffy for the rest of the day. Josh loves to hold Caleb's hands and we often find him just quietly watching over him. Matty likes to sing Caleb the ABC's over and over again:) We're trying not to look too far into the future are just enjoying each day with our little miracle- even diaper changes are just sweet and fun!
Thank you so much for the ways that you share your hearts with us. We sure do love you all. We appreciate your concern and your prayers for our family.

Caleb's first days at home

Caleb had to pass a car seat test at the hospital to make sure he could remain stable enough for us to take him home. Caleb will be fed with a feeding tube, he'll need constant oxygen(that I only remove quickly to take pictures) and he'll be attached to lots of monitors.

January 14, 2005 (from my journal) Caleb, you came home today! We've been busy the past few days going back and forth from Salt Lake to be with you. We've also been learning how to use all of your equipment so that we can take good care of you...I know you'll love being here surrounded by your family who dearly love you. I promise I will do my best to take good care of you. I will love and cherish each day I get to spend with you, my angel baby!




January 16, 2005 (from my journal) Caleb, do you have any idea how beautiful you are? I could just stare at you all day! I love how soft your skin is and how sweet your neck smells! Today I gave you your first little bath. You looked adorable and pick. Your hair was nice and fluffy when I finished with you....Yesterday your smiled at me for the first time! You even had a cute little dimple that just melts me!