The Sweetest Room in the House

Last night when I was snuggling Mitchell he whispered, "Mom, which room in our house is the most spiritual?"  I responded, "What do you think?" He replied, "Caleb's room, that's why I sleep in here.  It just has such a peaceful feeling..."

tender.

An Aloha Wink!

Aloha!

Fall Memories

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

The Power of Extended Family

My sister Arianne and I are guest posting on the blog Chocolate on my Cranium today.  She is hosting a wonderful "Celebrate the Family Series!"  Click here to read our thoughts on the power of extended family.

A wink from Yuba Lake

A couple of weeks ago we went with my brother Jacob and his family to Yuba Lake! It ended up being too stormy to take his boat out, but the kids loved playing on the beach for the afternoon!

A wink from Lake Cocolalla

We just spent a week in Washington with our Moody family and had a wonderful time!  We spent 3 days at Lake Cocolalla and loved every minute!

We watched bald eagles soar in the sky

and we kayaked to our hearts content.

Josh hunted for rocks 

and Matthew snorkeled non stop!

There was fishing, fireworks, games and s'mores... 

We couldn't have asked for a better week!

(you can see more of our adventure on our family blog!)

A Wink From the Grand Canyon

Thank you friends!  We loved your Grand Canyon Wink!

A Washington Wink

Thanks for the wink from Washington Chris and Missy! 

We love you!

BYU Women's Conference

This year I was invited to be a presenter at BYU women's conference. The topic I was assigned was how to have less contention in our homes. I chose to focus on the power of our presence and am so thankful for experiences I had with Caleb that I was able to share in my presentation.  By the worlds standards Caleb wasn't able to do anything... but his presence was full of love and light. He taught me that one person's presence can be a powerful influence...

Some of my favorite memories of the day:

* When I picked up my mom, she gave me a surprise my sister Ashley had left in her fridge.    Ashley, her husband and mother in law had made me a corsage with a lily in it.  They also made one for Caleb.  On the card that was attached it said one word.  "Wink."
What a perfect way to wish me luck!

* I loved spending the day on campus with my mom.  We ate yummy Costa Vida Salads for lunch then got double scoop ice cream cones for dinner (with chocolate covered strawberries for dessert!)

* It tickled my heart to see my sweet husband and Dad sitting front and center in front in a room full of hundreds of women.  Now if you know my dad, driving through construction, finding parking on campus, and finding your way through a crowd of of women says I. Love. You.

*  I loved seeing the faces of dear friends... and meeting new ones too!

Memorial Day

This year for Memorial Day weekend we visited Caleb's grave on Sunday evening.  I liked being there when it wasn't quite so busy.  We enjoyed sitting under the tree and talking about the things we loved and remembered about our Caleb.  Last memorial day was so tender for me...this one was softer...it was a sweet time to fill our hearts with remembering. 

We spent Sunday night at my parents cabin and on Monday enjoyed sleeping in, going on a hike and having a yummy barbecue.  

When Mitchell got tired on our hike I taught him the magic way to get more hiking energy.  You find a pine needle, break it in half then take a big sniff and it fills you with energy.  Mitchell filled his pocket with pine needles and every time he would break one and sniff, he'd take off at full speed!  "Thanks for teaching me about the magic" he said, as we walked up the path toward the cabin.  

Mitchell was also convinced he uncovered a Big Foot skeleton and footprints!  As we walked back to the cabin he about had a heart attack when my dad jumped around a corner pretending to be big foot!  

I am thankful for sweet, tender and funny memories this memorial day.

Mother's Day

In our Faith we have missionaries all over the world sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In the two years they are gone from their families, they get to call home on Christmas and Mother's day.  

This Mother's day I found myself wishing my missionary in heaven was able to call home.  I would love to hear about his experiences, those who he is teaching, and what his area is like.  

We visited Caleb's grave that evening, and I know that he was close.  In those moments when I miss him beyond description a quote from a recent article comes to mind.  

 "Grief is the natural by-product of love.  One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death.  The only way to avoid grief would be not to experience the love, and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning."  

 from the article,"The Refining Fire of Grief"

I am so thankful for the privilege of loving so deeply. 

That ache in my heart is a sacred thing to carry...

Being the mother of Caleb and his brothers fills my heart to overflowing.  Knowing they are mine forever is the most meaningful mother's day gift I could ever receive.

Mormons Take Manhattan... wink!

We recently visited New York City with some of our dearest friends!

Here's a wink from Times Square! 

and we're winking in the subway too!

This book is dedicated to...

I recently attended an author celebration day for Mitchell's kindergarten class. As he opened his book to share his poems, I was so touched by the dedication page he had included...

There's no other love like the love for a brother.  

There's no other love like the love from a brother.

Terri Guillemets

A Caribbean Wink!

Our sweet Hailey recently went on a cruise and sent us a "wink" all the way from the Caribbean! 

 Hailey spent many nights caring for Caleb, and we still love to spend time together.  She has become a special part of our family! 

We love you!

Caleb's New Headstone

It took us almost a year to order Caleb's headstone. I think there was a part of me that still wanted to have one more thing to do for him.

This past December it felt like the right time so we ordered it right before Christmas.   
Dallan came home just after Easter with the temporary marker in hand and told me Caleb's headstone was there.  It was tender to see that temporary marker removed.  The first time I went to see the new headstone I couldn't breath.  

It felt so permanent.

 As I have returned to see his new headstone I imagine seeing my family grow in pictures as they gather around Caleb's name.  I imagine my boys will take their own families here and show their children their names on the back and talk to them about their brother and eternal families.   Caleb's grave is a sweet place to me.  

Now I can breath.

Caleb's headstone isn't permanent.  It is still a temporary marker to celebrate the beauty of each day and our faith in God's plan.  

My dear friends Anita and Linda came to see it with me shortly after it was placed.

Anita brought the song "Consider the Lilies of the Field" to the hospital right after I had Caleb.  She brought him lilies on his first birthday... and she and Linda brought lilies to place at his grave. 
  

I cherish them more than words can say. 

Easter Sunday

In anticipation of Easter we used each family home evening in March to reflect on the Savior's life and ministry. It was tender for me to hear the testimonies of my sons as they shared stories from the Savior's life each week. As I listened to them recount the miracles of Jesus' ministry, my heart was filled as I reflected on the miracles we have experienced this past year. 

After Caleb was born and we were given a terminal prognosis, my dad gave me a father's blessing. In it he promised me I would learn the atonement can heal a broken heart. 

As I was sitting in sacrament meeting 3 days after Caleb died, that image of me holding my fragile baby with my father's hands on my head unfolded in my memory.  

My heart broke into a million pieces when Caleb died.  This past year I have experienced the healing balm of the atonement every single day.  I know the Savior's atonement can heal a broken heart.  I know because He continues to heal mine.

I miss Caleb every day.  I long to hold him in my lap, not just in my heart.  But I am also filled with peace.  I know he is close to us and is ever engaged in our well being.  I know the love we have for each other continues to grow as we do what Heavenly Father asks of us. 

How can I ever thank my older Brother for overcoming my every heart ache?  How do I thank Him for putting my heart back together in such gentle and tender ways?  He walked a lonely road from Gethsemane to Calvary so I need never walk alone.  I know He has been by my side every single day.  I pray I will always stand by Him the way he ever stands with me during tender and joyful times.  I know I can trust Him with my heart.  Completely.  

Jesus Christ died on a Friday.  Sweet Caleb also died on a Friday.  I anticipate the same joyful reunion the Savior had with his devoted followers on that sacred resurrection Sunday, and know that our Sunday will come too. 

I am forever thankful.

"Brothers and sisters.  One of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so.    

His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path- the merciful are of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of his beloved son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets, apostles, teachers leaders and friends.  All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel.

Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone or unaided...truly the Redeemer of us all said: "I will not leave you comfortless. My Father and I will come to you and abide with you."

Jeffrey R Holland