Family picture

I remember the night I had an ultra sound and found out that our baby Caleb had significant problems. We were faced with the unbearable possibility that our baby might not be born alive. Our first glimpses of him we were filled with worry and deeper heartache than I had ever felt before. The next day I remember telling my mom, "this isn't how I imagined my family picture." I didn't imagine hanging a family picture on my wall that had someone missing. I also hadn't pictured a child who's time may be limited and whose challenges would be severe. It wasn't that I didn't want a disabled child. I wanted Caleb more than anything in the world. I had the opportunity to voice how much we wanted Caleb in many of those early doctor appointments when they presented our options. I pleaded with Heavenly Father for the opportunity to take care of our baby no matter how big his challenges were. We wanted Caleb with all of our hearts, his circumstances just weren't what I had pictured. I remember that phrase This isn't how I imagined my family picture every time I put a new photograph in a frame, add a picture to a scrap book, or hang a portrait on my wall. My heart is filled with so much gratitude every time I look at my sweet little family inside those frames. It wasn't what I had pictured, it is so much sweeter than I could ever have imagined. I would never have pictured how proud I would feel of Caleb for his courage, faith and patience. I never pictured how full my heart would feel as I watch my other little boys lovingly watch over him. I never pictured how my sweet little boy, whose time may be limited and whose challenges are severe, would touch the deepest parts of our hearts and change our lives forever. Just yesterday Matthew told me, I just get such a big loving feeling inside whenever I'm around Caleb- and I just have to hug him.
I took our little family into the studio for some last minute pictures before Caleb goes in for surgery. The pictures aren't fancy, but nothing could be more beautiful to me. I would never have pictured the exquisit delight I would feel in hanging photographs of theses precious souls on my wall.