Precious Moments (Father and Son)

Nothing is as strong as gentleness, nothing is as gentle as real strength

Precious Moments (parents)

Winter time was always difficult for Caleb.  Every year as Winter approached I would always worry how Caleb would weather.  This year my heart felt extra heavy.   We had seen from a summer episode of pneumonia how quickly things could get critical.  I was so worried it would happen again, and I wondered if Caleb's immune system would be able to withstand another serious infection.  In November I started having a really strong prompting  I needed to take some pictures.  I asked my sister who is great with a camera if she would take some pictures of our family. 

Then it snowed. 

I thought we had missed our chance, and I knew it was likely that Caleb wouldn't feel well enough for pictures until spring.  However, one November Sunday afternoon, the sun appeared, and at the spur of the moment we spent about 20 minutes with Arianne getting our pictures taken with Caleb as the sun went down. 

These are our last family pictures.  These are the pictures we displayed at Caleb's funeral.  These are the pictures that will always hang on my wall.  These pictures will always represent my family, in a moment frozen in time, a sacred time we will always hold dear. (Over the next few days I'll share some of my favorite pictures of our precious moments together as the sun went down)

Holding Him.

A few weeks before Caleb passed away Mitchell and Matthew spent an afternoon holding him.  

They just couldn't get enough. 

I stood in the corner with tears streaming down my face as I quietly took pictures of them loving their brother...

These are the moments when I am sure I know what Heaven feels like.

If tonight was my last night with you.

Over the past several years I've worried about what I would say when I had to say good bye.... a few days ago I found this journal entry that I wrote several years ago....

Written in May 2008 when Caleb was struggling with pneumonia...

... Last night I tucked Caleb into bed with me and snuggled him for a while. While I worried and listened to him breathe, I was thinking- if tonight is my last night with you, what would I want to say?
If I knew I had to say goodbye to any of my sweet boys, what words would I want them to hear from their mom? I've asked myself that question numerous times especially during tender times with Caleb. It seems like there should be a bigger way to say "I love you"- Where are right words to say that I love them so much that it takes my breath away- that I love them so much that sometimes it even hurts- that I love them so much that my heart wants to beat for them?
I know that before they were born just the "hope" of them filled my heart with joy- that when I was expecting I loved knowing that they were growing right next to my heart- and now that they are here, my heart is wrapped so tightly around them that I can't breathe....
My heart has been tender as I've wondered what I should say to Caleb today. How do I tell him how dear he is to me and how proud I am of him? But then when I wrap my arms around him, and when I'm really still, I can feel his heart telling me that he already knows- and that "I love you" is enough.

Caleb's Funeral

Please join us in celebrating the miracle of seven years!  Caleb's  funeral will be held on Friday February 17th at the Spanish Fork Maple Mountain Stake Center located at 2188 East 100 South in Spanish Fork  at 11:00 a.m. A viewing will be held from 9:30 to 10:30 prior to services.

From my arms to God's arms.

Caleb could have could have quickly returned to heaven, but instead he quietly brought heaven to us for 7 years. 

Yesterday my sweet Caleb peacefully passed away in my arms surrounded by those he loves. 

His obituary will be in the newspaper tomorrow:

Caleb Joseph Moody died on February 10^th, 2012 at Primary Children’s Hospital due to complications from pneumonia. Caleb was born January 6^th 2005 to Dallan Richard Moody, and April Baadsgaard Moody. He is dearly loved by his parents and his brothers Joshua Aaron, Matthew Dallan and Mitchell Ross, his grandparents Ross and Janene Baadsgaard of Spanish Fork, Utah and T. Dean and Patrice Moody of Kennewick, Washington, as well as 30 uncles/aunts and 38 cousins. Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him.  Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years. Please join us in celebrating his life. His funeral will be held on Friday February 17th at the Spanish Fork Maple Mountain Stake Center located at 2188 East 100 South at 11:00 a.m. A viewing will be held from 9:30 to 10:30 prior to services.

Letters from Caleb

Written by Caleb's grandma Baadsgaard

"I think if you were able to write a letter to these very special people who love you so much and take such good care of you they might read like this . . ."

Dear Mother,

Many years ago you went in for an ultrasound very early in your pregnancy. You found out that I was a boy . . . and you also found out that I was missing my brain. When the medical professionals told you that I had no chance of survival and recommended an abortion - thank you for having the courage to listen to your heart and not your fears. When they told you I would have no quality of life and that I would ruin your family’s quality of life, thank you for choosing to discover what quality of life really means. When they told you I was missing an eye, thank you for choosing to see me as your precious son and not what the doctor called me (not viable - not conpatible with life). When further tests revealed that my entire head had not formed correctly and that my cleft-plate, partially formed nose and multiple missing cranial structures would make eating and breathing in a usual way impossible, thank you for choosing not to despair, but to devote yourself cheerfully and gratefully to my 24-hour care. When the doctors told you to take me home, buy a burial plot and let me die, thank you for choosing to fight for my life and celebrate each day I was in your home.

These past seven years have brought multiple hospitalizations and near death emergencies. We’ve spent a lot of time in hospital, you and me. Thank you for always being there right beside me when each individual breath was painful, labored and exhausting. I’ve heard your every prayer, every heart-felt longing and each exhausted plea to God. And though I’ve never been able to speak a word or raise my arms to embrace you, never doubt how much I love you my precious mother. There is a love deeper than life and broader than time between you and me, an eternal bond that time and circumstance will never break.

I am so grateful that you have chosen to live the past seven years with joy, not sorrow – that my presence was and is enough for you. The world defines us by what we can do. Thank you for choosing to define me by who I am. There will be a day, beyond this life, when I will be able to say all the things I never said, but I have a feeling you already know. When two hearts are knit together, there is often no need for words.

I was born in the winter, a time of waiting before the spring. Always remember that winter’s promise is the hope of spring. There will be a day when the time of waiting is over and all that was lost will be reborn.

I love you mom.

Caleb

Dear Father,

I know you and mom stay up late every night with me so my medication can take effect and also to have some special snuggle time with me. You and Mom usually tuck me into bed around midnight, but it usually isn't long until my alarms start beeping, I need suctioning, a diaper change or more medicine. A few nights a week I have a night nurse who sits with me from 12-6 so you and mom can get some sleep. But on the other nights, it is you and me Dad. You are always there with me when I need you in the night. Those late night hours when it is just you and me mean everything to me. In this life I will never be able play catch, or even speak or hug you. But I know that when fathers love their sons, they love them in the way they need to be loved. With us it is g-tubes, respirators and diapers.

You are always there with me when I need you in the day also. Dad, thank you for going to work every day at BYU so that all of us have everything we need.

Dad, I want you to know about something you may not see. When fathers love their sons like you love me, the powers of heaven open. There are angels around you every night, lifting your arms when you are too tired and keeping you awake when every cell in your body screams for sleep. I am aware of and grateful for every time you turn me, change my diaper, suction me then hug me and kiss me. You never complain, and though I can’t respond when you talk to me, I hear you Dad. I hear every word, spoken or unspoken, every desire, and every prayer to God in my behalf.

I also love the way you tease me like Dad’s do. Like the way you call me One-eye and let me dress up as the one-eyed pirate on Halloween.

I love the way take me everywhere and proudly tell people I am your son. When you come into my room at night I always proudly tell the angels that you are my father.

I love you Dad.

Caleb

Dear Brothers,

Josh, Matty and Mitch - I’m so happy that you are my brothers. You always take time every day to include me and make me an important part of the Moody boy’s story.

I remember when you used to crawl in in crib when I was a baby and sing “I am a child of God” when my heart rate was getting too slow. You always brought me toys and even though I couldn’t play with them the way you do, I imagined myself playing with them and it was still fun.

I love it when you hug and kiss me and tell me about your day. Even though I can’t raise my arms to hug you back, I love the way you lift my arms around your neck and put your cheek next to my lips.

When you talk to me I can’t answer you with my mouth in words, but I hear you listening to me with your heart. When you’re listening that way you can hear me telling you, “I love you Josh.” “I love you Matty.” “I love you Mitchell.” Thank you for helping mom during the day when I need to be turned or suctioned. That is such a nice way to tell me you love me back.

Don’t worry about my eye that is missing. When I was in heaven, I knew the Baadsgaard secret code for telling each other “I love you, you’re wonderful, and you can do it!” It was a wink. I knew that I would never be able to speak to you with words in this life, so I thought of a plan. That is why I chose to come as your brother winking so that you would always know that I love you and believe in you. Thank you for believing in me – believing that I am still your brother inside this body – even though I can’t move, or see or hear or think the way you do. Thank you for believing that even though I’m missing my brain, I’m not missing my heart and soul. Thank you for believing that we will always be one of the Moody boys and we’ll always love each other forever.

I love you Joshua.

I love you Mathew

I love you Mitchell.

Love, Caleb

Fuzzy

Don't you just want to rub that fuzzy little head?
I do.. and guess what?
It brings me good luck every time!

Moments I don't want to forget: The piano

Today my little brother John came over for a couple of hours and he spent some time playing my piano.  He plays beautifully, so I took Caleb into the piano room with me so we could both listen to him play.  Caleb just snuggled right into me, and he was so relaxed and happy as we listed to to the music and rocked back and forth.  I loved seeing him enjoy the finer things in life. Thanks John, for making a sweet memory with us today.

The King Family

My heart has been aching since I heard the news. Just 4 months after saying good bye to their precious son Noah, the King family just  lost their father Aaron to a sudden heart attack.

  There are no words...

Lisa has such a big heart. She has personally touched my family more than she will ever know. My heart aches for her as she grieves for her son and now her best friend. I'm heartbroken to know that her boys who are still mourning their brother are now mourning their Dad.

I know Aaron and Noah are having a joyful reunion.  I know they will closely attend to their family. I know the Lord will not leave them comfortless...

but for today... I'm so sad.

I am so truly sorry sweet King Family. I wish I could be there. I'm thinking of you every minute all the way around the world.  We are praying that you will be filled with love and peace from angels on earth and in heaven.  

If you'd like to make a donation to ease this sweet family's burden, please go here.

Caleb's birthday Part 2

Caleb had a wonderful birthday evening!  We had Grandma and Grandpa over for birthday dinner, and we all took a turn to share what we loved about Caleb.  It was so tender to hear such sweet words about our little  boy. 

Grandma took a moment to read the letters she wrote us from Caleb.  They were such a sweet gift for all us.  After dinner the rest of my family joined us to celebrate and we each took a turn to share what we love about my mom because it was her birthday too!  Caleb loves sharing his birthday with such a special grandma.

I didn't get pictures of everyone who stopped by that night, but we had a wonderful time together as a family!

Grandma and Grandpa Baadsgaard

The best brothers ever!

Pretty proud parents (please excuse my teary eyes :)

Hailey- one of Caleb's night nurses. We love each of our nurses dearly, and we loved that Hailey was able to share the evening with us.  (We think Caleb has a crush on her, can you blame him?)

Joseph Martha and Isabella.  Isabella is my newest niece!  She was recently adopted and sealed to this sweet family!

My brother Joseph loves rocks and he brought Caleb a special Geode to have as a reminder of what a treasure he is inside.

My wonderful little brother and sister-John and Alisa

Since Caleb can't eat food, Alisa crocheted him a hamburger.  She also made him a cute little mouse!

My handsome nephew Bradley

Some of Caleb's other favorite gifts included: fruity chap stick, a cozy blanket, nice warm socks, some new clothes to wear and sweet birthday cards and messages! 

  Thank for you for celebrating with us!

Caleb's Birthday Book

Caleb's friends, Anita and Linda, wrote a special book for his birthday.

In it they wrote some of their favorite things about Caleb, and I just had to share...

 The Most Wonderful Things About Caleb

* He reminds us to appreciate all of Heavenly Father's blessings- big and small.

* His pudgy little feet.

* His magnificent brothers.

* His bright blue eye.

* His smile.

* His shows his thanks at even the smallest gesture.

* His wonderful sticking up hair!

* He reminds us to treasure every day as a gift.

* He loves red.

* He helps us to feel closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus.

* His complete trust in you.

* He's so snuggly.

* His incredible patience.

* He helps us enter a peaceful heavenly world when we're with him.

* His submissiveness to Heavenly Father's plan for him.

* His powerful missionary spirit.

* He gives us all lots to HOPE for.

* His ability to bring peace and harmony wherever he is.

* He lets his brothers put their hilarious costumes and accessories on him.

* Hi cheeks that are perfect for kissing.

* He makes us want to be better.

* He's filled with light.

* He helps us feel Heavenly Father and Jesus' love in a way nothing else does.

* He reminds us what is important.

* His little teeth.

* He never complains.

* His far reaching influence.

* His delight in "tasting" yummy food.

* Those Moody eyebrows!

* He reminds us we can do hard things patiently and gracefully.

* He teaches us things without saying a word.

* He loves us no matter what.

Thank you to each of you who left a sweet birthday comment or sent me a personal note with your favorite things about Caleb.  We treasure each and every one.   

Caleb's birthday Part 1: A Hero Story

Once upon a time, a few years ago, there was a 3 year old little boy who was in the hospital over Christmas. He finally started to feel better and on January 5th he was told he could go home the next day! He was so happy because the next day was his birthday, and he would be able to celebrate with his family! That night a big snow storm rolled into the valley. He couldn't even see out the window because the snow was coming down so heavily. His mom's heart was sad because he had already missed being home for Christmas, and she didn't want him to miss being with his family for his birthday. Caleb wasn't sure how they would ever make it home in such a big storm. His Dad wouldn't be able to come up to the hospital until the evening and by then it would be too late.

As his mom worried about what to do, two ladies in shining armor walked into his hospital room! "We're here to get you home for your birthday!" they said. They had braved the blazing storm in their trusty minivan so they could guide him home in safety. One drove her van and led the way, and the other drove Caleb's van so his mom could sit with him, suction him and monitor his oxygen levels. Through the wind and snow, and one missed exit, the little caravan made it safely home. There was dinner waiting complete with birthday plates and napkins, a cake and even a party game to play provided by other sweet neighbors in the kingdom. Caleb's family was so happy and there was great celebrating in the land!

Caleb's heroes, Anita and Linda have been a special part of Caleb's birthdays from the very beginning. And even though we don't live in the same neighborhood anymore, they still come over to celebrate with us.

When we lived closer, Anita and Linda had me train them in Caleb's cares so I could run to the grocery store or attend school programs for my other boys. 

They would sing to him, rub his feet and rock him in his rocking chair.

And now when they come to visit, they still snuggle him, sing him songs, and rub his little feet. 

They are his true and trusted friends.

For his birthday this year, they arrived with balloons to tie on his wheel chair, and a Winnie the Pooh pillow case that says, 

 "Are we going to be friends forever?" asked Piglet. 

 "Even longer." Pooh answered.

The also put together a book of the things they love about Caleb.  The first page says:

The most wonderful thing about Caleb

Is that Caleb's a wonderful thing.

He makes every body feel happy.

He makes us all want to sing.

He's

Winky

Lovely

Happy

Snuggly

Fun- Fun- Fun-Fun- Fun!

But the most wonderful thing about Caleb

is he's the only one~

Yes, Heeeeeee's

the only one!

Thank you my dear friends, for being Caleb's hereos.

Thank you for always being there to celebrate in snowy or fair weather.

Piglet, "How do you spell Love?"

Pooh, "You don't spell it, you feel it."

Letters from Caleb

As you know my mom has a special birthday tradition for all of her Grandchildren.  On their birthday she writes a special story or poem just for them!  For Caleb's birthday this year, she felt prompted to write each of us a letter from Caleb.  These letters will be a keepsake for our little family.    If you'd like to read them you can see them here.

Thank you, mom for touching our hearts more than you will ever know.

Seven

As many of you know, after Caleb was born we were given very little hope. After spending 8 days in the NICU we were sent home on Hospice care and told to purchase a burial plot. Those first few days at home were so tender. I remember browsing a website that told the stories of children with conditions similar to Caleb. Sadly, I noticed many passed away before their first birthday. However,as I read story after story including those who did outlive their prognosis, the thought came to me if Caleb can make it to his first birthday- I bet he could make it to his seventh.

Seven. That number gave me hope and permission to breathe. Seven years seemed like such a long time when compared to what we'd been told to expect.  

We began by celebrating Caleb with a birthday party every week. We had a big birthday party with our whole family to celebrate the miracle of 6 whole months! When Caleb's first birthday arrived we celebrated with a service party where over 100 people gathered with us to create sensory kits for other children with special needs.

And now suddenly seven is here.

Caleb turns seven years old this week.  It turns out seven years isn't such a long time at all. Oh my heart is full as I reflect on that little number that put a glimmer of hope into my heart.    I am overflowing with gratitude for the gift of seven whole years, and I hope we will continue to celebrate birthdays for many years to come!

I come from a family where birthdays were always special.  When I was growing up my mom would often tell us we shouldn't wait until someone is gone to share the things we love about them. As a result, she started a special birthday tradition.  For each birthday we gather together and family members each share what they love about the birthday person.  We laugh as funny memories are shared, cry when we reflect on tender things, and our family is strengthened as we share our love for each other. We've learned to celebrate the gift of the present.  

As so this year on this special seventh birthday, I want to invite each of you to join us in this special tradition because Caleb's family extends far beyond the walls of our home.   You might know Caleb personally, and you might know him through others or this blog. Each of you who have taken time to care about  Caleb are a special part of our family. 

We would love you to share something you love about Caleb, a memory you might have, or something he's taught you and join with us as we celebrate the miracle of seven. You can leave it in a comment or message me privately if you'd like at aprilmoody1@gmail.com. It doesn't have to be lengthy or profound to be meaningful to us. 

As you celebrate with us, I also invite you to do the same for someone else in your life. Tell someone you love them. Share a special memory, or tell them what they've taught you because there is strength to be found as we share our love for one another- and there's no time like the present.

"wink!"